


Faketalia

by cheshirejin



Category: FAKE (Manga), Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Crossover, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-20
Updated: 2012-05-20
Packaged: 2017-11-06 07:58:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/416558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheshirejin/pseuds/cheshirejin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>crossposted from hentai contest<br/></p>
<p>Title: Faketalia<br/>
Fandom: Hetalia/Fake<br/>
Author:cheshirejin<br/>
Chars/Pairs: America, Tony, Dee, Diana  //America/England, Dee/Ryo, JJ/France<br/>
Genres: humor<br/>
Warnings: non con alien probing<br/>
Word Count: 2347<br/>

Summary: In hindsight taking the Roswell alien, Tony, to the movie theater last night was probably a bad idea.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Faketalia

AN: Hetalia names list since the human names are used some…

America – Alfred

England – Arthur

France – Francis

Canada – Mathew

Germany – Ludwig

  


Sleepy eyes cracked open, the surrounding coming slowly into fuzzy focus. America groaned and rubbed his eyes groggily. He had slept well enough on the hard bed under him, but the circumstances worried him a bit. He found his glasses on the bed next to him and put them on, looking around the cell he was in. How had it come to this? How had the living personification of the great United States of America ended up in jail?

Fortunately it wasn’t too long before an officer came to his cell and called his name. He led him to a small room with a hard plastic chair bolted to the floor and a telephone secured to the wall.

“You get one phone call,” the officer said.

“Okay,” America said brightly. He picked up the phone and dialed the number of the first person he could think of who might help him.

“Arthur, hey it’s me,” he said, hoping that this would not be one of those times when England would immediately hang up the phone on him. That would be bad.

“Oh, what do you want?”

_Yay! He didn’t hang up._

“Do you remember that time I helped you out when you and Ludwig had that big fight?”  _He should know I am serious if I am bringing this up._

“Oh lord this is going to be good isn’t it?” _This must be a big favor if he is bringing that up, maybe he will owe me one for a change._

“Well, I am kind of in a situation here, and I could really use your help,” America said, cringing as he waited for the response he knew was coming.

“Wait, the great hero is really calling me for help?” _Yep that was it._

 “Well, I only get one phone call, and it was either you or Francis, and I think he would have way too much fun with it, so I called you.”

“I can’t believe you would even consider calling that frog.”

“Well, I am pretty sure he would bail me out of jail, though I would never hear the end of it either.” _Five, four…_

“True, he does like to gloat about things for ages and…”

_Three, two_...

“Wait, jail, did you say you are in jail?”

_One._

“How in the name of all that is good and holy did you end up arrested in your own country?”

“Well, I took Tony to the movies and…”

“Oh bloody hell. All right, I will see what I can do for you. I can’t promise you much from here though.”

“Well, you could contact Francis if you have to, like I said he would find a way to get me out just so he could gloat about it.”

“It is too bad you are half a world away from here, I won’t be able to make it over there for a few days… I don’t think Francis could make it any sooner. Wait, I just remembered something, Francis was going to visit relatives in North America this week, and he is in Quebec right now along with Mathew. Hey! Why didn’t you just call Mathew, you stupid git? He is right there, just north of where you are.”

“Him, well… I forgot about him. When I am in trouble I usually think of you first, you know. You are important to me. So, could you please do your best to get me out of here?”

“Sigh, I will see what I can do. I am calling Mathew as soon as we hang up here, and everything will be all right. Are you okay, Alfred?”

“Thanks, yeah prisoners are treated pretty well here so I will be fine. Come see me as soon as you can okay?”

“No promises, but I will try. I think I have some vacation time coming up soon.”

“Okay, bye-bye”

“Good bye.”

Alfred hung up the phone and smiled giddily, Arthur was going to spend his vacation with him.

The twenty-seventh precinct was its usual bustle of activity as Dee Laytner walked in to begin his shift. He was running late, but only by ten minutes, not bad for him.

Janet, behind the entry desk, smiled and greeted him. She had always gotten along well with the handsome Dark haired, green eyed detective having a thing for both him and his equally good looking partner. Shamelessly using this to his advantage, Dee asked if there was anything he should know before heading to the office. Smiling charmingly and thanking her when she shook her head and waved him on.

Once he arrived, he saw the chief was going over something with his partner, Ryo. Dee sidled up closer to overhear the conversation to see what the old badger wanted, before making his presence known.

“There have been a number of sexual assaults in the district lately. Our perp has the same M.O. for each attack. He seems to target women that are less than five and a half foot tall, with long dark hair. He grabs them from behind and renders them unconscious, before raping them and then leaving the scene. Last night we might have gotten a break though. We have a potential witness to an attempted rape. The victim, a college girl from the local area, doesn’t know what happened, but the perp just left suddenly when our men showed up in response to a call for some other disturbance. She did get a look at an identifying tattoo on his arm though, a dagger dripping blood from the tip.”

“Umm, excuse me, excuse… why doesn’t anyone ever notice me?” Mathew, the human personification of Canada, pouted.

“Let me handle this,” France said, stepping forward and bumping his fellow country away from the front desk with his hip. “Bonjour, I am looking for my friend Alfred Jones, do you have any way I can see him?” he asked the pretty brunet behind the counter.

“Jones… hmmm,” she said, flipping through some papers on a clipboard. “Looks like he was arrested last night for disturbing the peace, he will be in front of the judge at three pm. I can’t really do much until after that. “

“Awe, but I came all the way from Quebec just to see this,” France pouted. “Are you sure I can’t go look at him all locked up in a cage, pleeese,” he begged, fixing her with big puppy eyes that sparkled in the fluorescent lighting.

“Sorry, but no,” Janet said, something about the guy made her feel like she needed a shower.

“Very well, then what are you doing for dinner tonight, perhaps I can make the trip worthwhile after all, no?”

“No.”

“Francis, we should go call Arthur and tell him, or maybe take up a collection from everyone to bail him out with,” Canada suggested, adjusting his glasses and looking at nothing in particular.

“Ah, oui, as soon as I get a picture of Monsieur America in jail,” Francis said with a cheeky grin as he slipped around the front desk and headed deeper into the precinct building waving a digital camera above his head.

“His ID says Alfred F. Jones, but he prefers it if we call him America. He was arrested last night in front of the theater for disturbing the peace, and he might be a valuable witness if we can ever manage to get any usable information from him. At first, we thought he might be on something, so we kept him overnight for observation, but now we may have to send this America in for a psych evaluation. He used his one phone call to place an overseas call to an unlisted overseas number, in England,” Chief Smith said.

“Really?” Dee interjected, reaching past his partner to grab the phone from his desk “I’ll just call the looney bin and arrange a ride for him,” causing both Chief Smith and Ryo to start at his sudden appearance. Ryo smiled mysteriously at his dark haired, green eyed partner.

“Don’t bother, he won’t be staying,” a familiar female voice came from behind him, causing Dee to jump as well.

“Christ, Diana, don’t do that,” he growled, turning to face the blond FBI officer. “What are you doing here anyway?”

Diana Spacey stood there, in her impeccable outfit, with her arms crossed and stuck her tongue out at him. A tall man with light brown hair and large glasses over bright eyes stood behind her.

 “Always good to see you too, Dee… Oh, and Ryo how have you been?” she added with a wink to the handsome detective with dirty blonde hair. She knew it ticked Dee off when she flirted with his lover and loved doing it just to get him riled up.

 “Diana, what brings you to the precinct?” Ryo asked politely, the laughter sparkling in his eyes the only indication that he found what she was doing funny.

“I have release papers for one, Alfred F. Jones. He is to be released immediately by order of the president,” she said, waving a handful of forms under Dee’s nose.

“You’re kidding,” Chief Smith harrumphed.

“Why the hell would I kid about that?” Diana asked arching an eyebrow at the older, walrus-esque man.

“Let me see those,” Dee said, grabbing them and looking them over, “… holy shit she’s not kidding.”

“Hey, dudes! You are doing an awesometacular job here, but like I told you, I didn’t do anything. It was Tony that caused all of that trouble,” the soon to be released prisoner said with a friendly smile.

“Tony?” Ryo asked.

“Yeah, he’s a space alien and sure he has quite a potty mouth. Usually he only acts up if Arthur is around, but he’s a really good guy…”

“Are you sure this guy is ok out on his own?” Ryo asked Diana.

“I know it may not seem that way, but he is just fine the way he is,” she answered.

“Before you leave, there are some questions I need to ask you about last night, there was a serious crime, and you may be able to help since you were in the same area at the same time.”  Chief Smith insisted.

“Sure, whatever you want.” America said with a happy smile.

“Just tell us everything that happened last night for the record, even if it seems like a small thing. Anything you can remember might help.’

“Ok I will give it a shot…” American said.

“I took my friend, Tony to the movies. We saw the late showing of Alien Agency From the Fifth Dimension.  Maybe it was not the brightest of ideas in hindsight,” he admitted with a weak giggle, “but since it was one of those movies people dressed up to go see I figured maybe people would just compliment Tony on his major awesome costume and things would be alright.

“Unfortunately, some plus sized woman stuffed into a size twelve sexy alien pirate costume decided to tell Tony he was the wrong color. Well he got all upset and after repeating his favorite phrase several times he flipped them off and disappeared into the crowd. The lady and some of her friends came after me then and that is when I started shouting and waving my arms around, and I bent a parking meter, sorry about that, I will pay for it, but then people kind of backed off and I got bummed because I spilled the last of my popcorn. Then some nice officers showed up and placed me under arrest and I couldn’t believe it. I got read my rights just like on TV, it was kind of cool, but I was a little worried too. I can’t break my own country’s law, it just can’t happen. So I knew I would be released right away, but then you kept me overnight so I called my friend, Arthur and he was going to do something, I forget what, but he did say he would come spend his next vacation with me,” Alfred finished with a broad grin.

Canada walked the hallways in the police precinct like a ghost, ignored and overlooked until he literally ran into someone.

Drake looked down to find a fellow, who could be a close relative to the guy he had just released into Diana’s custody, face-planted into his chest. He was looking for his partner, JJ.

He looked up, and feeling embarrassed, Canada was about to ask the man if he had seen Francis, when a door on the other side of the hallway opened up and someone stepped out.

Drake was about to ask JJ what he was doing in the supply closet when a hand shot out from behind the door and latched onto his collar, hauling him backwards out of sight. The door shut behind him, muffling masculine giggles, shutter clicks, flashes of light from under the door, and smacking noises.

Drake and Canada exchanged uncomfortable glances and walked away from the area briskly, in opposite directions.

“Thanks for releasing me, Miss Diana, I am sorry to take your time up with this, but you know there is no way a hero like me could break my own countries laws, right?”

“Yeah, I don’t think you would, America. Just get Canada and France out of here before we have an international incident, okay?” Diana said as they walked out the front door.

“Will do,” Alfred said with a wide smile as Canada caught up with them, unnoticed as usual, “Let’s go get a burger, I missed dinner after the movie last night,” he suggested, thinking as he left,  _I wonder where Tony went._

A man hung suspended in mid air, face pointing downward, in the middle of an alien aircraft. He wore no clothes; his body adorned only by tattoos, one on his arm was a dagger, blood dripping from the tip.  A small silver skinned alien calmly contemplated him as he pulled a large probe-like instrument with many uncomfortable looking protrusions from a nearby table. He activated the probe, making parts of it spin and whir.

“No, No, NO!” the man screamed, terrified as the alien approached slowly and menacingly from behind him.

“Fucking bitch,” the alien said a few times, before anything else he could have said was drowned out by agonized shrieks as he went to work on his latest test subject.

  
  


[](http://pics.livejournal.com/cheshirejin_fic/pic/00026ds7/)


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